The prince comes from a faraway kingdom (or from down the street which is kind of the same since he’s as wealthy as Cinderella is poor). But, he’s so down to earth. He picks Cinderella (you) up from the cinders (or the backyard of your parents’ mud hut). He makes you his queen and whisks you off to his glittering kingdom where he polishes you to shine to become the brightest jewel in his crown.

Scratch that.

Part One: A disgruntled immigrant whose dreams of ‘making it big in abroad’ have not been realized due to limited education, illegality, or sheer laziness decides to recruit labor. He believes all the women around him are unmarriageable (read, won’t tolerate his village headmaster mentality). So, he enlists the assistance of his family in the village, to find him a biddable young lady. After all, many of his colleagues have successfully arranged such alliances.

Part Two: Prince or Village Headmaster is you prefer, cleans up aka buys a designer suit or two. Scratch that. He doesn’t need a suit. He sends the few dollars he makes cabbing to his relatives whom, due to the disastrous exchange rate, turn the paltry sum into millions. They offer some to Cinderella’s parents, who are wide-eyed at touching such a large sum in exchange for their daughter, whom truthfully speaking, is as much a liability as her siblings in this crippling economy. They forget they don’t know the man and find his family dubious. Quickly, they arrange the marriage and the prince flies in on an iron carriage. You’re mesmerized and eagerly tie yourself to the prince you met only two days ago.

Part Three: The village headmaster lays down the law. 1. You will receive your orders to be obeyed without question, from him. 2. You will go to nursing school. 3. You will begin working immediately and deposit your salary into this account. 4. You will bear male children. 5. When in doubt, return to #1. You nod your head like Cinderella, brought up to slave for those more privileged.

Part Four: After you’ve deposited your 30th paycheck in the designated account and received nothing from village headmaster, you decide things need to change. The kids need new shoes, your mother is sick in the village, and couldn’t a working girl buy herself some baubles? So, you change your direct deposit account. And all hell breaks loose.

Part Five: VH gives you a dirty slap. He stammers, “Who, who, who, who do do do do you you think you are?” Your head spins. You don’t know whether he’s asking a question or hooting like an owl. Is his head spinning too that he doesn’t know who you are? And so, it begins – you gain an inch, but lose a yard. You buy new shoes but he breaks your leg. You send money home to your parents and he follows it with your coffin.

Definitely NOT a girl’s Cinderella dream.