I kept my peace as we danced to the front in thanksgiving for October celebrants. I rejoiced over my 21 year old bubbly. I shied away from the cake and was carefully slinking back to my seat when the pastor asked why I wasn’t representing my daughter at the cake cutting. That’s when all hell let loose.

“I don’t like that cake!” I stated in response. It was a like bomb detonating. My voice carried across the pews. Mom looked at me askance. “I’ve told them several times not to put nuts on a cake for the general public,” I explained. It was not enough.

After service, several seniors came to ask what the matter was and to tell me I shouldn’t have blurted out my feelings in such a manner. They insisted others would think me proud and opinionated without questioning the reason for my outburst. I apologized to the pastor. It wasn’t about him; it was about my frustration with the status quo.

Then I listened to the audiobook, The Power of Positive Confrontation by Barbara Pachter and I questioned my outburst. Was it the best approach for dealing with a recurrent issue?

According to Pachter, no. Instead, she suggests we use the WAC strategy to be ‘Polite and Powerful’ in confrontations. WAC stands for:

W – What’s really bothering you?

A – Ask for the change you seek, and

C – Check in to see if the other person can deliver.

Thus, I should have waited for an favorable time to confront the cake purchaser. I should have said, “I’m unhappy that you continue buy a cake with nuts especially as some of our children have nut allergies. I’d like you to ensure your baker stops sprinkling nuts on the monthly celebration cake. Would you be able to do this?”

While it is not guaranteed to work, this approach would have saved me from being perceived as an arrogant blowhard. It would also have kept the peace.

#leadershipbeginsathome #leadersheedperception #LBAH2