“If you want to marry a husband, never you marry a waka about” goes Nelly Uchendu’s 1970s highlife classic, “Waka About.” The song tells the story of a sweet sixteen seduced by an older man whom she met at a superstore. He was ‘all correct’ – fine looks, fine clothes, fine car. Against her parents’ advice, she married him in a flamboyant society wedding. Post-marriage, she found out he was a womanizer, fraudster, and abuser who regularly used her as a punching bag. Unfortunately, the story ends with her enduring bouts of boxing suggesting that once married to him, she had no recourse. Given this premise, the best way to avoid an abusive marriage is not to get into one. Following are ways to spot a “Waka About.”

1. He plans everything: When he takes you out, he chooses where you go, what you wear, what you discuss, and how you act. He seldom asks what you’d like.
2. He introduces you to a myriad of women but you can’t tell how they’re related to him. Deep down, you suspect he’s dating one or two of them.
3. He has a thin skin and can barely tolerate a slight. If you say or do something that hurts him, he’s unable to accept an apology as the end of the matter. He keeps bringing it up or seeks revenge.
4. He finds it hard to “feel your pain.” He does not care that you’re hurt by his or other’s words or action. Or he pretends to care but repeats the hurtful words or action.
5. He’s using you – for ego boost, status, money, sex, power, etc. You feel the imbalance of your relationship and his exploitation.
6. He’s a god unto himself. Nobody can tell him what to do. No one can counsel him or beg him to treat you better.
Watch out! Stay away from a Waka About.