My mother taught me resilience. Dust, cooking fumes, change of weather, or any disturbance at all and I’d start wheezing. Whatever the hour, Mummy would bundle me into her car, prop my head on a pillow, and drive to Jaja Clinic. Countless trips with an asthmatic child; she hung in there, and so, I did.

From Mum, I learned resourcefulness. She often said, “My husband is never around when crisis breaks.” Truth be told, Dad simply traveled a lot. He was abroad when his father fell sick, his brother’s only son died, and his sister had to be hospitalized. Mama was always called to warfront. And she performed like a General.

Respect people. Treat each person you meet with kindness. Those were lessons I learnt hanging around my mother. Whether housemaid or country nephew, mom treated them kindly. She fed everyone who came through our door and never demeaned anyone because of their status.

Be bold. Pursue your dreams. As a young girl deprived of education following her parents’ quarrel, she longed to go to school. So, when she was given the opportunity by her older brother, mom soaked up every bit of knowledge offered. She earned not only a bachelor’s but a master’s degree and went farther than her siblings who had been educated before her. And she has kept studying as do I today.

I did not learn from mother, how to suffer in silence. I refused to smile in the face of injustice while shedding secret tears. Overlooked for having ‘only girls,’ imposed upon by self-important relatives, and carelessly treated by her husband, Mother persevered. At about fourteen or perhaps, sixteen, I skipped class.

Instead, I chose to speak out. If you arrived at our house at midnight and I had to cook for you, I voiced my displeasure. If you dropped in unexpectedly and left your bed unmade, I let you know. If in any way, form, or shape, you presumed upon my hospitality, I disabused you of the notion. They called me a silent revolutionary but there were some lessons better left unlearned.

After all, how could I be a leader, kowtowing to every relative, real and imagined? How would I realize my destiny if I ran around fulfilling your every whim and desire? And what legacy would I pass on to my children in a changing world that demands they take their place among decision-makers, policymakers, movers, and shakers of a new generation?

No, I did not learn forbearance. After all, I am also my father’s daughter. And he did not suffer fools gladly.

See also my FB Live on Mother’s Day