“Are you okay, Toni?” Ms. Harris asked crouching by the desk of a small figure slumped in this chair, his head bowed. It was a typical Tuesday morning in her kindergarten class. The kids were skipping, hugging, chattering, and being excited about school. All except Toni.
“I’m okay, Ms. Harris,” Toni answered in a small voice. ‘If I sit still, I won’t talk’ he thought. ‘Sometimes when I’m happy, words tumble from my mouth.’ And he couldn’t talk about what happened last night. Mummy said he should not tell tales. So, he just sat quietly. He was dressed in a green polo shirt and khaki shorts. He wore his favorite sneakers which flashed lights when he walked. They were not flashing. Toni was not talking.
Usually in the morning, he’d dash into the class, fling his bag unto his assigned hook, and run to the back of the room to greet Harry the Hamster.
“Good morning, Harry. How are you today?” he’d chirp in his high-pitched voice waking Harry and stunning others into alertness. This morning, he’d gone straight to his sit and had been there since.
‘Was Toni coming down with the flu?’ Ms. Harris thought as she made a mental note to call his mother if he began to show any signs of illness. But Toni didn’t look sick. He did his sums and wrote out his spelling words carefully, his nose almost touching his paper.
During art, when Ms. Harris instructed her class to draw their families, everyone got to work. She went from one student to another asking about their drawing. “Who’s this, Chad?” “Is this your house, Daniela?“ But when she came to Toni’s drawing, she stopped short. “Tell me about your drawing, Toni.”
Not taking his eyes off his paper, Toni pointed to stick figure with stringy hair who appeared to be holding a smaller stick figure in the air, “This is my mummy. She’s holding my baby sister, Tayo.” Then he pointed to another one standing beside the two. “This is me. I am holding my Thomas the Engine toy.” There was nothing unusual about the family unit except that on the other side of the paper, was the largest stick figure with dark flames of fire shooting from its head.
“Who’s this?” Ms. Harris asked quietly. She sensed there was something wrong.
“Oh, that’s my dad. He’s mad because Mummy spent all the money,” Toni informed his teacher as a matter of fact. He didn’t realize that he was talking about what happened last night. He was simply answering his teacher’s questions.
And when Ms. Harris told him to wait after class, he didn’t think there was something wrong. When she asked more questions, he answered without hesitation. He wasn’t tattling; just speaking when he was spoken to, like every good boy.
At 7:00 pm that evening, an unsmiling man in a dark suit rang the bell. When Toni’s mom opened the door, he said, “I am Henry Ward from DFACS, is your husband home?”
When the whole family was seated, he showed them Toni’s drawing and told them what happened at school that day.
Immediately, Toni’s dad jumped off the couch and turned on him, “What’s have you done, Toni? What did you tell your teacher?”
Before he could cuff Toni however, the social worker stood up. He was taller than Toni’s dad. And he was not smiling. He was scowling at Toni’s dad. “Mr. Aderele,” he said, “Calm down.” After Toni’s dad returned to his sit, he said, “It appears, we might have a problem here. So, I am going to create a case file for follow-up. I will be back in two weeks. If I don’t see an improvement in your behavior towards your family, I will refer your case to the police.”
Toni’s dad spluttered. “The Police? Why would you call the police?” He stood up again. But, one look from Mr. Ward and he sat down.
“I’ll call the police if I see any evidence of you being abusive towards your family. They deal with abuse.” He told Toni’s dad he could be taken to jail or even deported if he continued to be abusive to his family. Toni didn’t understand most of what Mr. Ward said but knew his dad was in big trouble. Perhaps he shouldn’t have answered Ms. Harris’ questions. Or maybe Daddy would stop being so mean now that Mr. Ward has given him a warning.
Toni’s mom began to weep quietly. And Toni joined her.
NOTES
It could happen just like that…
- A child goes to school with red eyes and a depressed slump; upset because Daddy got mad and blew up. Her teacher spots the difference in her because teachers are trained to spot any differences in a child’s behavior for example, a talkative child who becomes subdued, a quiet child who becomes withdrawn, or a well-behaved child who becomes troublesome.
- A chatty child goes to school and tells her friends and teacher, what’s going on at home. Disturbed, the teacher passes the information on to a social worker who plans a visit to the family’s home.
- A child calls 911 because they are afraid Dad’s explosion is beyond their control and they don’t feel safe. If there’s no adult around to act as a protector, they will dial 911 as they’ve been trained at school.
When it happens…
- If #s 1 or 2 happens, a social worker comes to the home. They question both parents or all the adults named in the child’s story. Regardless of what the adults say, they’ll believe the child’s account because children don’t lie. They may issue a warning to the perpetrator or schedule follow-up checks to keep the family under supervision.
- If number 3 happens, and the police arrive on the scene. They may take the children into foster care, ask the misbehaving adult to leave the home, or take said adult into custody.
How to prevent it…
The ONLY way to prevent the occurrence of any of the scenarios described above, is to ensure the child in your home does not feel threatened at any time. What threatens the child? Anger! Rage! Explosive outbursts! So, STOP, BEFORE YOU EXPLODE. Attend anger management classes to help you better control yourself. Such classes are offered by churches, behavioral therapists, and private support groups. Get help when it could make a difference. Remember, it could happen just like that.
