The summit had ended. My co-facilitators and I were saying goodbye, waiting for our youth leaders to drop off the Zoom meeting. Several stayed on. One asked, “You know how you said we are all unique? And that each of us have different personalities? Well, why don’t parents know this? Why do they compare us to our siblings?” We had no immediate answers.

The psychiatrist amongst us admitted that parents may compare one child to another. Comparison could be hurtful and damaging to children. It places the child in the difficult position of doing things out of personality or ability.
As parents and adults in charge of youth, there are many ways we compare one child to another:
• Asking why a child cannot do one thing like another. For example, “Why can’t you make straight ‘As like your brother?’
• Forcing a child into an activity because another sibling enjoys it. High expectations burden the child to make a showing in an area where they are lacking ability.
• Pointing out the deficiencies of a child unlike their colleagues.

Comparison is damaging. The child grows up either struggling to be like the shining example pointed out by the parent or suffers low self-esteem. As adults, we could avoid comparisons by:
• Celebrate the differences amongst our children. Each child, indeed, each person has a unique personality that adds value to the world. Let’s celebrate each unique personality instead of comparing one to another.
• Tell the child that you appreciate them just the way they are. Sure, they can grow to be better versions of themselves, but they do not need to be like someone else to be valued.
• See the child in front of you not the one you wish they were, not the one they could be, and not the one you were.
• Have patience. Beautiful butterflies grow from caterpillars.