As they sat listening to the President’s address, Mr. Ade asked Mr. Eze, “Did we not raise $5000 in this same association two months ago? Do you know where all that money went?”

“Hmm… I am in the dark o.” Later, he asked his wife, “My dear, people are talking. They want to know what happened to the 5k we raised in February.”

Mrs. Eze didn’t know either since neither of them were executives of the association. So, she asked her friend. She reasoned, even if she was not an executive, she knew everything about everyone. Unfortunately, Ms. Sola didn’t know but she asked around. By the time it got to the leaders of the association, the story was thus – “Members of the executive used $20,000 of association money to throw themselves a private party. Now, they were trying to raise more money to cover up their mismanagement.”

Conflict is inevitable where two or more people are gathered. And even when there’s only one person; particularly for those of us who have struggled to not grab another meatpie, chicken, or puff puff, internal conflict is real.

Conflict creates tension within and without combatants. You see the person you’re in disagreement with and your stomach muscles clench with stress. It disrupts harmony, and if not dealt with, divides groups. Ultimately,conflict breaks communities.

Thus, it is important for a leader to learn how to resolve conflict. if you can resolve conflict before it spreads, you win. Indeed, the faster you are at addressing a conflict, the better your chances of keeping your organization intact.

There are many approaches to conflict resolution. First, let’s look at some approaches that do not work:

1. Ostrich – This is when a leader pretends there’s no conflict. Like the ostrich burying it’s head in the sand, any leader that pretending that there’s no discord in his group, will be body-slammed.
2. Beggar – A leader going around begging first one party then the other, to get along is simply pandering to people’s egos. You may beg till morning, and the war will keep simmering.
3. Confront and Force – In kindergarten, the teacher would say, “Both of you, apologize to each other. Now!” And both combatants will capitulate. Adults are not so easily led.
4. Confront and Smooth – “You too, stop doing what makes him angry,” the minister counsels. One party leaves gloating. The other feels crushed. When you Confront and smooth, you’re simply glossing over the issues.
5. Withdraw – When one party refuses to talk about it, the Leader that chooses to “leave them alone” does so at their peril.

The best approach is to confront the conflict. Note, that is, “confront the conflict” not “confront the people.” While people are involved in a conflict, this approach focuses solely on the conflict. How do you confront the conflict?

1. Acknowledge there’s a problem.
2. Open lines of communication – Call the parties involved together. Organize a meeting of minds.
3. Focus on the problem, not the people. Isolate the specific conflict you wish to resolve. State the problem and restate it when people try to take the conversation elsewhere.
4. Allow each party a time-boxed opportunity to talk. Say, “For the best use of our time together, let’s each take about fifteen minutes to state the issue as they see it.”
5. Validate each person’s grievance. You may say, “So, you believe you were wronged in blank, blank, and blank way.” By restating a person’s viewpoint, you validate them.
6. Handle the conflict. End it. Review all sides of the dispute. Do further research if required to get to the bottom of the matter. But, resolve the conflict.
7. Follow-up to ensure strife does not flare up again. In the case we started with, the executives of the association should present a monthly financial report to members so that there’s no confusion about the status of their donations. The best approach to conflict resolution is to head-off conflict altogether.