Community is good. Two or three people coming together, with God is in their midst, blessings abound. Scientists assure us that community extends life expectancy. But, community-building is difficult where certain attitudes prevail. And it’s the little things that cause well-meaning people to shun society all together. Following are examples of irritating attitudes:

1. No updates: Last month, friend calls, “Hello Abi, I need prayers urgently. I’m about to lose my home, job, and family. What would happen to my life?” Empathetic friend that I am, I rush around, praying, calling contacts for help, researching alternatives – anything and everything – to ameliorate the problem. Every time I think about my dear friend in such dire straits, I send up a prayer. Then last week, no usual Friday call. No Saturday call. And you guessed it, no Sunday call. I become frantic. Has the situation degenerated beyond speech? So, I summon up courage and call friend to enquire. After all, there’s nothing descending that the ground cannot accommodate. And a cheery voice responds, “Oh my friend, were you worried? The battle is won o jare!”
2. No thank you: akin to no follow-up is when you’ve gone over and beyond to meet someone’s needs and they don’t even say thank you. Or they say it so perfunctorily that you’d rather they’d kept their mouth shut.
3. Backbiting: many are those who love while you can hear them. When you walk away, they shred your character. Further, you share dreams and goals with a companion and they deride you, and with their words and actions, kill your dreams. They are chief gossip and backbiter in every group and the first to say people are not caring.
4. Eye-service: There are those who will work like vulcanizers whilst you’re standing beside them. But, as soon as you turn away, they sink back into indolence. They support and work a plan only when the initiator is on premises.
5. Sitting on the fence: You have trouble committing to the minutest of things. We say we’re having a potluck. You forget to bring anything but your mouth or worse, you promise to bring something but suffer temporary amnesia. Perhaps, you sat on the fence so long then, at the last minute, decide to rustle up some chicken. So did six of your sisters. Consequently, every grain of rice is ably supported by two drumsticks at the potluck. Thank you.
6. Importuning: Na only you waka come? Every time someone calls, it’s one drama or another. People visit your location and you beg their clothes off them. You’re always needing something. What value are you adding to the community?
7. Out of sight, out of mind: One minute you are best friends, the next you move out of state and you don’t even pick your bestie’s calls or gasp, call back. Note, seeing a friend’s post on social media is not the same as seeing them.
8. Scapegoating the problem solver aka leaving community work for one person: “Why don’t we do it like this?” suggests Lela. “Sure,” everyone agrees then leave it to Lela to execute. This issue makes people quiet and robs many communities of progressive ideas. Nobody wants to be forced to execute an idea freely offered.
9. Freeloading: You’re in the group, soaking up the vibe, enjoying the fun but never contribute nor collaborate to make things happen.
10. Finger-Pointing: I’ve done some finger-pointing in this essay, so you know what it looks like. Everyone is to blame but yourself. Where are you dropping the ball? When are you the reason we don’t have nice things? I personally need to do better on #7, 1, and 4. How about you?

We’re all human, so we’ll fail sometimes. However, we should strive to improve daily and as we improve, so does our community. Don’t be the reason we can’t have nice things.