“Lagos Boy, you’ve taken this video to another level o.” Benji skittered on his right foot, lifted his left arm in the air for 1-2-3 fist bumps, then sprang into the air, kicked up his left leg, and landed on his right foot. In truth, his technique still needed some work but he was coming along.

“I know. Sometimes you bring back old moves, mash them with new, and make the crowd will go mad.” I repeated my latest mash-up -three twists and a gbe bodi e.

“Even that miser, Big Baz, was so impressed, he sprayed you.” Benji signed as we danced our way to the bus stop. As usual, we attracted notice since most of our discussion was conducted using sign language. But today, we added dance moves. It was a happy day. We’d just completed a video shoot for a new client, an up and coming rap artiste, Kazoom.

“Don’t mind Big Baz, he was only spraying the fake money we used for the party scene.  The boy is too skin flint to give anybody N1000. Meanwhile, did you hear from La Boom’s people? That video we did for him has blown. He needs to keep it coming.” As I spoke, I searched my pockets for my phone. I always placed it in my right, side pocket while on set so that I could keep it safe and at hand. Occasionally, I’d use it to videotape my own dance moves so I could work on them later.

“Did I hand you my phone to hold?” I looked at Benji hoping that I’d given him my phone to film me. He shook his head. “We’d better turn around.”

As we walked back to Grace Palace Hotel where we’d shot the video, I thought about the steps I’d read online about finding your lost phone.

Step 1 – Call your phone or use your mobile app to send an alert. “Benji, may I borrow your phone? I used Benji’s phone to call mine. It rang and went to voicemail.

Step 2 – Use native find-my-phone feature. I used Benji’s phone to track my phone. It was not far from the hotel. Perhaps I’d dropped it on the ground.

Step 3 – Text your cellphone so good Samaritan can return it. I texted, “Hello Friend, thanks for finding my phone. Please return it to me, Lagos Boy (most guys know me by my nickname).” I didn’t expect a response since my phone is locked but, I hoped the “holder” would send me a message on their phone.

Step 4 – Backup your data then wipe it out.  This is a given-up move. I was still hopeful. The GPS led us to the hotel’s bar. The bar was dim. The light that floated in from the windows could not illuminate the packed room. The tracker said my phone was here. As I scanned the crowd, only one face was familiar. He sat at a table opposite the door at one end of the room. He hailed me as we approached.

“Lagos Boy, you don return? How far? The stocky sat at drinking beer man was brazenly clicking on a number of phones laid out on the table

“Big Baz, I get trouble o. My phone don lost. You see am?” I tried to pretend that he’d somehow picked up my phone off the ground. Like yeah right.

Big Baz looked me in the eye like ‘so what I stole your phone. What are you going to do about it?’ “Lagos Boy, you dey lucky o. I dey sell phone. Take your pick.”

I immediately spotted my phone on the table and reached for it. “Big Baz, I feel say we be brother now, how you go treat me like this?”

Big Baz smacked my hand. “No be like that o. Brother.” He paused on the word brother. “First, you pay then you pick your choice and leave.”

“Bro, how you go charge me for my own phone naa? I wish I was big, tall, and muscle-bound like the Terminator. I would have hauled him up by his shirt-front and squeezed until he begged for mercy.

“Pay and carry phone. No pay, no phone. Na 10k I dey charge per phone. Since you be my “brother,” pay 8.” He didn’t look like he’d hand over my stolen phone out of the goodness of his grimy heart.

“Ahh! You wan kill me? Where I go get that kain money naa? Bro, I beg, make I pay 5.” So the haggling began. I told him I was saving him from having to break the superior lock on the phone, the hassle of finding a buyer,  and the threat of being caught with stolen property. He agreed to 6k.

“Pray my market sells o. You have really cost me money today.” Big Baz groused as he pocketed the money.

Outside the bar, Benji asked, “Why did you pay him for a phone he stole from you? We could have threatened him with police or something.”

“O boy, I didn’t pay the thief for my phone. I gave him back his fake notes from the video shoot.” We laughed all the way home.

#AdventuresofLagosBoy, #AbiAdegboye